Understanding Anger: Be Slow to Anger | Bible Studies

Earlier this week, I watched as a girl I don’t even know but who I have followed for a couple of years, be slammed on Instagram for saying that her journey to get pregnant was a long, awaited journey. She has been sharing every step of the way in her pregnancy, as she is super excited! She should be, too!

It broke my heart for her as she publicly shared her "hate mail", as she called it.

Sweet girl, in her excitement, talking about how long it took her and her husband to get pregnant, failed to mention that the long journey wasn't due to infertility, per say, but due to the fact that they chose to wait until she was in a healthy season of life, as she deals with a painful disease that is often times treated with oncology medicines. Those same oncology medicines that can in fact cause infertility and birth defects.

The "hater" as she called it, sent her some hard, blunt truths of their opinions, about how they knew "they didn't try long at all to get pregnant", and that her making it sound like they struggled with infertility was hurtful to hose who have and do. I am so sure that it was hurtful, pregnancy alone can be a touchy conversation for some! But, it was equally as hurtful for the other person to message her about the way she did, especially if she didn't know the couple's struggle with waiting for health reasons or even their fear of possibly dealing with infertility.

She handled the harsh words, publicly better than I would or could. Honestly. She came on Instagram stories a couple of days later to apologize to people she had offended, and that she had never meant to offend anyone, and how she would be toning down what excitement she had left, for her pregnancy.

Wow. How my heart hurts for both people in this situation. It would be totally different if the expecting mother was just floating about her pregnancy, or really making up some serious lies about infertility.

The person or people, sending her that hate mail were so selfish to do so. Not only to her, but to anyone. Anger, arguments, "clapbacks", or in this case, hate mail, are so selfish.

James 1:19 and 20, tells us to "...be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger...", that is a powerful set of verses to live by. I feel like to be able to do this, we need to understand anger and where it comes from.
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Anger Stems From Selfishness

Yep, I went there. Not only does arguing or hurting someone not grow anything holy or righteous, it solely comes from one's selfishness. 

How so? Think about it, when your angry, why are you angry?

• are you offended because your feelings are hurt? (selfish)
• are you outraged because your opinion is being disrespected? (selfish)

The list of examples could go on and on. No form of anger is from a passionate desire for righteousness to lead, to win. 

I can think of many times when I have been angry or have been on the receiving side of an angry person, how I felt. I remember the deep down reason being that I had been hurt.

When my daughter was born, she almost died. I was so angry at the hospital (which I worked for, and still do), I was never hateful to them, Lord, I didn't have time to, what with pumping, and running back forth to the NICU, but still I was angry. Even when I returned to work my heart possessed a ton of animosity towards my employer, the nurses, and even my OB. 

I was hurt. My daughter had almost died in the hospital I was proud to work in. My child almost died because the doctor didn't listen to my concerns. I was hurt, that caused my anger. My anger for months! 
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The Person who "Attacked" you

Attacked seems like a really strong word here, but as someone who has received hateful comments, messages, or even had someone speak their mind to me, face to face- you feel attacked. It applies. 

The person who is attacking you is likely wearing a "mask". so to speak. People usually wear a mask to hide behind. Hide their own hurt, their own insecurities, which are yearning for attention and to feel significant. We shouldn't add "fuel" to their hurt, or their need for attention, at least not in a negative way. 

Also, it is very likely that these types of people have a wounded heart. These wounds give them the power to think that they can hurt others, or to basically, not care that they are hurting others. That wounded heart is what can often allow that person to have biting remarks and cinical speech to potentially, everyone they encounter. 
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How Do We Respond

It is often times, really difficult to not respond quickly, sometimes with equal anger to these people and their hurtful remarks. 

We shouldn't though. We should do as James says, and be quick to listen, slow to speak, and definitely slow to anger. 

In the situation I told you about above, with my pregnant friend and her "hater", both sides of the interacting should have followed this command of the Bible (I think my friend did, but can't speak for her responses, as she kept those private!).. 

The person "attacking" her or sending her those hateful messages, should have stopped and listened to my friend. She should have stopped and thought about how there might have been a "fertility struggle" she may not have known or considered. She should have done this, or reached out to my friend to clarify what she meant. 

Before we respond to "bitter betties" of the world, we should listen...

• to hear the hurt behind the hatred
• to sense the suffering behind the sarcasm or hurtful words
• to wonder which wounds were recieved and which lies were believed. 

We should always be slow to respond or reply, because we can't always take our words back, especially hurtful words, from whichever end. 
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Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

​Lift Each Other Up

Instead of responding with an equally hurtful clapback or response, we need to lift each other up.

At all times, our words should be building each other up. 

Angry arguments or "catty" remarks will never make headway in sharing His word or encouraging others in their faith. Which couldn't be more true. After my friend got the hateful message, she was no longer even excited to find out the gender of her baby. She wasn't excited to share her pregnancy journey!

We should always speak the truth, of course, but the Bible recommends "speaking the truth with love" (Ephesians 4:15). Basically, my friend was called out truthfully, for making it sound like she was fibbing or exaggerating her journey on becoming pregnant, even though she did not do it intentionally. But, that truthfulness was harsh and not understanding. That harshness was not necessary. That harshness was the opposite of encouraging. That harshness broke my friend's spirit a little. 

We should always stop, think about what we want to tell that person, and decided if it is worth our time to "correct" and decide if it is encouraging. How is my response constructive? How is it going to lift this person up? 
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Verse Reference:
James 1:19-20 | Ephesians 4:15 | Collossians 4:6 | Proverbs 1:5-6